Convenience Store Woman Read online

  I didn’t know how long it had been since Shiraha had last had a bath, but the underwear he’d just taken off stank to high heaven. For the time being I shoved them into the washing machine and told him to sit wherever he liked, so he warily sat down.

  My apartment was the old-fashioned type consisting of one tatami room that opened onto a small kitchen, with separate bathroom and toilet. The fan didn’t work very well, and after Shiraha came out of the bath, moisture and steam hung clammily in the room.

  “It’s a bit hot in here. Shall I open the window?”

  “Um, well …”

  Shiraha seemed restless and kept getting up and then sitting back down again.

  “If you need the toilet, it’s over there. It doesn’t flush very well, so make sure you turn the lever all the way.”

  “Er, it’s okay.”

  “So for the moment, you don’t have anywhere to go, do you? You’ve pretty much been kicked out of your shared apartment.”

  “Ah.”

  “I’ve been thinking. You know, it might actually be convenient for me to have you here. I called my sister just now to see what her reaction would be, and she immediately jumped to her own conclusion and was really happy for me. It appears that if a man and a woman are alone in an apartment together, people’s imaginations run wild and they’re satisfied regardless of the reality.”

  “You called your sister?” Shiraha looked perplexed.

  “Do you want a can of coffee? There’s also lemonade. I only bought dented cans, though, and they’re not cold.”

  “Dented cans?”

  “Oh, hasn’t anybody explained that to you before? When cans have a dent in them they’re damaged goods and can’t be sold to the public. Other than that, there’s only milk or hot water.”

  “Oh. I’ll have a can of coffee.”

  The only furniture in my room is a small folding table. I hadn’t put my futon away, so I rolled it up and pushed it up against the refrigerator to make more space. I have another set of bedding in the closet for when my mother or sister comes to stay.

  “I’ve got another futon, so you can stay here for the time being if you don’t have anywhere to go. It’s a bit cramped, though.”

  “Stay?” He fidgeted nervously. “Er, well, but … I’m a stickler for cleanliness, so … unless I’m properly prepared, um …” he said in a small voice.

  “If cleanliness is a problem, then you’re probably not going to like the futon. It hasn’t been used for a while and hasn’t been hung out to air. And this is an old apartment, so there are loads of cockroaches.”

  “Oh well that’s not … I mean the apartment I was sharing wasn’t particularly clean and that doesn’t bother me, but still … I mean, I feel a bit like I’m being presented with a fait accompli or something … Look, as a man I have to be on my guard. Phoning your sister out of the blue like that, it’s a bit pushy isn’t it?”

  “Did I do something wrong? I only wanted to see her reaction.”

  “Uh, I mean, that in itself is a bit scary. I’ve read about this sort of thing online, but I never really thought it happened in real life. Being coerced into staying like that kind of turns me off …”

  “What? I just thought you didn’t have anywhere else to go! If I’m causing trouble for you, then it’s fine for you to leave. I haven’t turned the washing machine on yet, so I can give you your clothes back.”

  “Oh, but,” he mumbled. “If you insist …”

  I couldn’t make head or tail of what he was saying, and the conversation obviously wasn’t going anywhere.

  “Um, I’m sorry but it’s getting late,” I said. “Do you mind if I go to sleep? If you want to leave then go ahead, or if you want to stay then get the futon and lay it out yourself. Do as you please. I have an early start at the convenience store tomorrow morning. Sixteen years ago I learned from manager #2 that my pay covers the basic requirement to manage my life so that I’m fit for work. I must get enough sleep before going to work.”

  “Ah, the convenience store …” Shiraha said inanely.

  If I paid him any more attention it would end up being morning, so I went ahead and laid out my own futon.

  “I’m tired,” I told him. “I’ll get up early and take a bath in the morning. I’ll probably make a bit of noise, but don’t mind me.”

  I brushed my teeth and set my alarm clock, then got in my futon and closed my eyes. Now and then I heard a rustling sound coming from Shiraha, but gradually the sound of the convenience store grew louder in my head and before I knew it I was being drawn into sleep.

  * * *

  The next morning when I woke up, Shiraha was fast asleep with his lower body stuck in the closet. He didn’t stir even when I went into the bathroom.

  I left home in time to reach the store by 8:00 a.m. as usual, leaving him a note: If you go out, please leave the key in the mailbox.

  He’d sounded like he was only reluctantly staying in my apartment, so I wasn’t really expecting him to be there when I got home, but he was.

  He wasn’t doing anything, simply sitting with his elbows on the folding table, drinking a dented can of white grape soda.

  “So you’re still here.”

  He jumped at the sound of my voice. “Uh …”

  “My sister has been e-mailing me all day. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her get so excited about something to do with me.”

  “It’s hardly surprising. Even your sister would think it more respectable for a virgin left on the shelf to be living with a man rather than still working in a convenience store at a ripe old age.”

  He was back to his usual self, with no trace of the discomfort he’d shown last night.

  “Oh … so you don’t think I’m respectable either?”

  “Look, anyone who doesn’t fit in with the village loses any right to privacy. They’ll trample all over you as they please. You either get married and have kids or go hunting and earn money, and anyone who doesn’t contribute to the village in one of these forms is a heretic. And the villagers will come poking their noses into your life as much as they want.”

  “Ah.”

  “You need to wake up, Furukura. To put it bluntly, you’re the lowest of the low. Your womb is probably too old to be of any use, and you don’t even have the looks to serve as a means to satisfy carnal desire. But then neither are you earning money like a man. Far from it, you’re only working part-time without even a proper job. Frankly speaking, you’re just a burden on the village, the dregs of society.”

  “I see. But I’m not capable of working anywhere else except the convenience store. I did give it a go, but it turns out the convenience store worker mask is the only one I’m fit to wear. So if people don’t accept that, I have no idea what I can do about it.”

  “That’s why contemporary society is dysfunctional. They might mumble nice things about diversity of lifestyles and whatnot, but in the end nothing has changed since prehistoric times. With the birthrate in decline, society is regressing rapidly to the Stone Age, and it’s going beyond life just being uncomfortable. Society has reached the stage in which not being of any use to the village means being condemned just for existing.”

  Shiraha wasn’t just picking on me; he was openly expressing his fury against society. I wasn’t sure which of us he was angrier with. He seemed to be just throwing out words randomly at whatever happened to be in his sights.

  “Furukura, I thought your proposal was crazy, but actually it’s not a bad idea. I may be able to help you out. If I’m in your apartment, everyone will probably look down on you for living with a pauper, but they’ll at least be content, whereas they can’t get their heads around you the way you are now. Without a career or a husband, you’re of no value to society, and people like you get expurgated from the village.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Back at the store, I was angling for marriage, sure, but you’re far from being my ideal marriage partner, Furukura. You don’t earn much working in
a convenience store, which means I won’t be able to start my own business, and I won’t even be able to satisfy my sexual needs with someone like you.”

  Shiraha downed the last of the dented can of soda as if he were knocking back a shot.

  “But having said that, our interests do coincide, so I don’t mind staying here.”

  “Ah.”

  I took a can of chocolate-melon soda from a paper bag full of dented cans and handed it to him.

  “Um, so what’s in it for you, Shiraha?”

  He was quiet for a few moments, then said in a small voice: “I want you to hide me.”

  “What?”

  “I want you to keep me hidden from society. I don’t mind you using my existence here for your own ends, and you can talk about me all you want. I myself want to spend all my time hiding here. I’ve had enough of complete strangers poking their noses into my business.”

  Shiraha sipped on his chocolate-melon soda without looking up.

  “If I go out, my life will be violated again. When you’re a man, it’s all ‘go to work’ and ‘get married.’ And once you’re married, then it’s ‘earn more’ and ‘have children’! You’re a slave to the village. Society orders you to work your whole life. Even my testicles are the property of the village! Just by having no sexual experience they treat you as though you’re wasting your semen.”

  “I can see how stressful that would be.”

  “Your uterus belongs to the village too, you know. The only reason the villagers aren’t paying it any attention is because it’s useless. I want to spend my whole life doing nothing. For my whole life, until I die, I want to just breathe without anyone interfering in my life. That’s all I wish for,” he finished, holding his palms together as if in supplication.

  I was considering whether there was any benefit to me in having him here. My mother and sister, and even I myself, were beginning to tire of me never being cured. I was beginning to feel that any change, good or bad, would be better than my situation now.

  “It probably isn’t as tough for me as it is for you, Shiraha. But one thing’s for sure: I won’t be able to carry on working in the convenience store like this forever. Every time a new manager comes along, they ask me why I’ve only ever done the same part-time job. They’re always suspicious until I give them some kind of excuse. And I was just looking for a good excuse to be able to give them. I don’t know if you’re it, though.”

  “As long as I’m here, society will be satisfied. For you it’s a good deal all around.”

  He seemed very confident about it. His insistence made me dubious, even though I’d been the one to propose it. Then again, when I recalled my sister’s reaction and the expression on the faces of Miho and the others when I told them I’d never been in love, I thought maybe it really wouldn’t hurt to give it a go.

  “I said ‘a deal,’ but remuneration won’t be necessary. It’ll be enough if you just keep me here and provide me with meals.”

  “Ah. Well, I suppose there’s not much point in me demanding payment from you if you’re not earning anything. I’m poor too, so I can’t give you any money. But if you’re not fussy I can provide your feed for you.”

  “What?”

  “Oh, sorry. It’s the first time I’ve kept an animal at home, so it feels like having a pet, you see.”

  Shiraha looked annoyed at my turn of phrase but said smugly, “Well, that should do.” Then he added, “Talking of food, I haven’t eaten anything since morning.”

  “Oh, right, there’s some leftovers in the refrigerator, so please help yourself.”

  I took out some plates and laid the table, placing some cooked rice and boiled vegetables seasoned with soy sauce in the middle.

  Shiraha frowned. “What’s this?”

  “Daikon radish, bean sprouts, potatoes, and rice.”

  “Do you always eat this sort of thing?”

  “This sort of thing?”

  “Cooking isn’t exactly your strong point, is it?”

  “I just heat-treat the food before eating it. I don’t particularly need to taste it, but if I need to up my salt intake I add soy sauce.”

  I explained it clearly for him, but he didn’t seem to understand. Reluctantly taking a forkful to his mouth, he snapped, “It is like dog food!”

  Of course it is, I thought. That’s why I said that. I stuck my fork into a piece of daikon and put it in my mouth.

  * * *

  I’d kind of sensed that I was taking in a fraud when I let Shiraha come to live with me, but his predictions turned out to be surprisingly accurate. It was convenient to have him around. It didn’t take long for me to be convinced.

  After my sister, the next time I mentioned him to anyone was at a gathering at Miho’s place. We were all sitting around eating cake when I casually let it drop that he was living with me.

  They were all so ecstatic about it that I even had to wonder whether they’d lost their minds.

  “Wait, what? Since when?”

  “What’s he like?”

  “Wow, that’s amazing! I was so worried about what would become of you, Keiko. I’m really so pleased for you!”

  “Thank you,” I said simply, feeling a bit weirded out by how jubilant they all were.

  “Come on, tell us about him. What’s his job? What does he do?”

  “He doesn’t do anything. He did say he had a dream to set up his own business, but it seems to have been all talk. He just loafs about at home.”

  They all leaned forward, suddenly serious.

  “Yes! Some men are like that … but they tend to be kinder and more sincere, and charming, right? My friend fell in love with a guy like that, although I can’t say what’s so good about him myself.”

  “A friend of mine on the rebound from an affair got involved with a guy who used to live off her. If he’d done some housework you could at least have said he was like a housewife, but he never even lifted a finger. But his attitude completely changed when she got pregnant, and now they look really happy.”

  “Yes, absolutely! Getting pregnant is the best thing to do with that kind of man.”

  Everyone seemed happier than when I’d told them I’d never been in love, and they were carrying on as if they knew everything about my situation. The previous me—who’d never fallen in love or had sex, who’d never had a proper job—had sometimes been hard to read. But everything about the new me—the one who had Shiraha living with her—was clear, even my future.

  Listening to my friends go on about me and Shiraha was like hearing them talk about a couple of total strangers. They seemed to have the story wrapped up between them. It was about characters who had the same names as we did, but who had absolutely nothing to do with me or Shiraha.

  When I tried to interrupt them I was told: “Look, just take our advice!” “Yes, that’s right. After all, you’re a novice at falling in love, Keiko. We’ve heard so much about this type of guy that we’re sick to death of ’em!” “You went out with someone like that when you were young too, didn’t you Miho?” They were all enjoying themselves so much I decided not to volunteer any more information than I was specifically asked for.

  It was as though everyone was saying that for the first time I was part of their circle. I had the feeling they were all welcoming me on board.

  Painfully aware that until now they’d evidently thought of me as an outsider, I listened to them carry on excitedly, merely nodding brightly and occasionally muttering “I see” in the same tone Sugawara always used.

  * * *

  After I adopted Shiraha, things went even more smoothly for me at the convenience store. But feeding him did cost me more money. Fridays and Sundays had always been my days off, but the thought of asking to work these shifts too actually added more spring to my step.

  I finished tidying up the trash bins outside and went into the back room. The manager had just come off the night shift and was making up the work roster, so I nonchalantly broached the matter with
him.

  “Um, have you already filled the shifts for Friday and Sunday? I’m trying to save up, so I’d be happy to work more shifts.”

  “Attagirl, Miss Furukura! Always so full of enthusiasm. But I’d be breaking the law to have you work the whole week without a day off, you know. How about getting another job on the side? All the stores are shorthanded, so I’m sure they’ll be delighted.”

  “Thanks, it’d be a great help.”

  “Take care not to make yourself sick, eh? Oh, here, your pay slip for the month,” he said, passing me my salary statement.

  I was just putting it in my bag when I heard him sigh and mutter, “Ah, I have to get Shiraha’s to him too. He hasn’t picked up his belongings yet either, and I can’t get hold of him.”

  “What, can’t you get through to his phone?”

  “It rings, but he doesn’t answer. He really is hopeless. I told him not to bring his personal effects into work, but he did and now there’s a lot still left in the locker.”

  “Shall I take them to him?”

  A new guy was due to start on the night shift. I thought it would be a problem if the locker was still full, and it just slipped out.

  “What? You mean take it to Shiraha?” he asked in surprise. “What’s this all about, Miss Furukura? Are you in touch with him?”

  Oops, I thought and nodded.

  I don’t mind you talking about me to people who don’t know me, but I don’t want you to let anyone at the convenience store know I’m here. That’s what Shiraha had said.

  I want you to hide me from everyone who knows me. I haven’t caused any trouble for anyone, but they all think nothing of poking their noses into my life. I just want to exist, quietly breathing.

  I was just recalling him muttering this under his breath when the automatic door chime sounded through the security monitor. I looked at the screen to see a group of male customers coming in. All at once the store was busy. Tuan, the new guy who’d started only last week, was alone on the cash register, so I thought I’d better get out there right away to help.