Convenience Store Woman Read online

  My sister stared at him for a while as if mulling over the meaning of what he was saying. Then she clutched hold of him and stood up, her face the picture of a believer who had just come across the priest in church.

  “So that’s what happened … I see, so that’s it!”

  “And when I heard you were on your way up to the apartment, I thought I’d better keep out of the way. I didn’t want to be lectured to.”

  “Yes … absolutely! When I heard from my sister that you’re just loafing around without a job, I was worried that she was being duped by some weirdo … but now I hear you’re unfaithful too! That’s really inexcusable!”

  She looked as happy as happy can be as she started laying into him.

  So that was it: now that she thinks he’s “one of us” she can lecture him. She’s far happier thinking her sister is normal, even if she has a lot of problems, than she is having an abnormal sister for whom everything is fine. For her, normality—however messy—is far more comprehensible.

  “As Keiko’s sister, I have to tell you that I really am furious with you, Shiraha!”

  I noticed that her way of speaking had shifted slightly. What kind of people was she surrounding herself with these days? I was willing to bet that the way she was speaking now resembled their speech patterns.

  “I know. I am looking for work, although it’s going slowly, and of course we’re thinking in terms of getting married soon.”

  “As things stand now, it goes without saying that I can’t possibly inform our parents of the relationship!”

  It appeared I’d reached my limit. Nobody wanted me to continue being a store worker.

  My sister had been delighted when I started the job, but now she was saying that leaving it was the normal thing to do. She had dried her tears, but her nose was running and her upper lip was wet. Yet she was so carried away lambasting Shiraha that she didn’t even wipe it. I stared at the two of them, half-eaten pudding in my hand, unable even to wipe my sister’s nose for her.

  * * *

  The next day I came home from work to see some red shoes in the entrance hall.

  I went inside wondering whether my sister had come back or even whether Shiraha had maybe brought a girlfriend home with him, but he was kneeling formally with his back straight as he faced a brown-haired woman who was glaring at him across the table.

  “Um … may I ask who you are?”

  The woman abruptly looked up at the sound of my voice. She was still young, her makeup on the heavy side.

  “Are you the one who’s living with him now?”

  “Er, yes, that’s right.”

  “I’m his younger brother’s wife. We got a call from his roommate after he ran away without paying his rent and refused to answer any calls. He ignores any calls from us too. I just happened to be coming to Tokyo for an alumni reunion, so I paid the outstanding rent on behalf of my mother-in-law and apologized for all the trouble he has caused. I always knew it would come to this, you know. He’s always been greedy and careless with money. And he has absolutely no intention of working for a living. But I swear I’ll make him pay it all back to me.”

  On the table between them was a piece of paper marked IOU.

  “Get a job and pay it all back! I really don’t see why I should have to go to so much effort for my brother-in-law.”

  “Um … how did you know I was here?” Shiraha asked in a small voice.

  One of the reasons Shiraha had asked me to hide him was because he’d run away without paying the rent I realized.

  She snorted with laughter at his question. “You’ve been late with rent and come home to borrow money before, haven’t you? I realized then that it was only a matter of time before something like this happened, and so I got my husband to install a tracking app on your cell phone. That’s how I knew where to find you. All I had to do was lay in wait until you popped out to do some shopping.”

  It struck me that she really didn’t trust him one bit.

  “I’ll pay you back … Really, I will,” he said, hanging his head.

  “You’re telling me you will. And what is your relationship with this woman?” she asked, turning to look at me. “How come you’re living together if you haven’t even got a job? If you’ve got time for that, then you’ve got time to work. So go out and get a real job. You’re an adult, after all.”

  “We’re in a relationship and plan to get married. We’ve decided that she works, while I look after the home. Once her place of employment is decided, I’ll repay the money from her salary.”

  Oh, so he has a girlfriend I thought, but then remembered the exchange between him and my sister yesterday and realized he was referring to me.

  “Is that so? What job are you doing now?” she asked, giving me a skeptical look.

  “Oh, um, I’m working in a convenience store,” I answered.

  She gaped at me, her eyes, nostrils, and mouth all forming O’s. I was just recalling having seen a face just like that before when she virtually screamed at me: “What! And you two are living together? When this man doesn’t even have a job?”

  “Um … yes.”

  “It’s not as if you can carry on like this, though, is it? You’ll wear yourself out! I mean, look, I’m sorry if I’m being rude, but you’re not exactly a spring chicken, are you? How come you haven’t got a proper job?”

  “Well … I did attend a few interviews, but the convenience store was the only place I was able to work in.”

  She stared at me aghast. “In a way you kind of suit each other, but … Look, I know it’s none of my business, but you should really either get a job or get married, one or the other. I mean, seriously. Or better still, you should do both. Otherwise you’re going to end up starving to death sometime, you know. You’re really living on the edge.”

  “I see.”

  “For the life of me I don’t know what you see in this guy, but if you really are in love with him that’s even more reason for you to get a proper job. No way can two social dropouts survive on just one store worker’s wage. I’m serious!”

  “Okay.”

  “Hasn’t anyone else told you this before? And what about health insurance? Are you even registered? I’m only bringing this up for your own sake, you know! We’ve only just met, so maybe it isn’t my place to be saying all this, but for your own good you really should get your life in order.”

  Seeing her leaning in close and taking the trouble to speak to me like this, I felt she was much nicer than Shiraha had made out.

  “We’ve discussed all this. Until we have children, I will take care of the home and concentrate on setting up an online business. Once we have a child, I’ll go out to work and be the breadwinner of the family.”

  “Stop babbling nonsense and just get a real job, will you? Well, it’s up to the two of you and I suppose I shouldn’t be poking my nose into your business, but—”

  “I’ve told her to leave the convenience store right away and focus on looking for a proper job. We already made that decision ourselves.”

  Eh? I thought with a start.

  “I suppose just the fact you have a partner is something of an improvement,” she said rather reluctantly. “Anyway, I don’t want to overstay my welcome, so I’ll be going now.” She stood up. “I’ll tell your mother about today’s events, including how much money we’ve lent you, so don’t think you’re going to get away with it, all right?”

  And with that, she left.

  Shiraha listened intently to the sound of the door closing and the departing footsteps of his sister-in-law. Once he was certain she had gone, he gave a whoop of delight. “I did it! I got away! Everything’s okay for the time being. There’s no way you’ll be getting pregnant, no chance of me ever penetrating a woman like you, after all.”

  He grabbed me by my shoulders in his excitement. “Furukura, you’re lucky, you know. Thanks to me, you can go from being triply handicapped as a single, virgin convenience store worker to being a married me
mber of society. Everyone will assume you’re a sexually active, respectable human being. That’s the image of you that pleases them most. Isn’t it wonderful?”

  Having been caught up in Shiraha’s family matters the moment I got back from work, I was dead tired and not in the mood to listen to him blather on.

  “Um, can I use my shower for once today?”

  He took the futon out of the bathtub, and for the first time in weeks I showered at home instead of having to go out to the coin-operated shower. Meanwhile he stood outside the bathroom door talking nonstop. “You’re so lucky you met me, Furukura. If you’d gone on like before you’d have ended up dying alone and destitute. Far better you keep on hiding me forever!”

  His voice receded and all I could hear was the water as it slowly drowned out any last traces of the convenience store sounds left in my ears.

  As I finished rinsing the soap from my body and turned the faucet tightly shut, my ears heard silence for the first time in a long time.

  Until now, the convenience store had always been ringing in my ears. But now those sounds were gone.

  The long-forgotten silence sounded like music I’d never heard before. As I stood stock-still listening to this, it was split by the sound of the floor creaking under Shiraha’s weight.

  * * *

  All too quickly, as if the eighteen years of my employment had been just an illusion, my last day at the convenience store arrived.

  I went to the store at 6:00 a.m. and spent the time watching the security camera monitor.

  Tuan was now accustomed to the cash register and quickly scanned cans of coffee and sandwiches with a practiced air, smoothly providing a receipt whenever requested.

  We were supposed to give a month’s notice of quitting, but given the circumstances they were letting me go after only two weeks.

  I recalled the manager’s reaction two weeks earlier when I told him I wanted to leave.

  “Really? At last! So Shiraha’s acting like a man after all, is he?”

  He had always been put out by people leaving since it left him shorthanded, and he always demanded they help find a replacement. This time, however, he seemed over the moon. Maybe no genuine store managers existed anywhere anymore. Before me now was a human male, mindlessly hoping that one of the same species was going to breed.

  Mrs. Izumi, who had always commented indignantly on the lack of professionalism shown by people leaving suddenly, also congratulated me. “I heard all about it! I’m so happy for you!”

  I took off my uniform and removed my name badge, and I handed them to the manager.

  “Well then, thank you for everything.”

  “We’re going to miss you, Miss Furukura! Thanks for all your hard work.”

  I’d worked there for eighteen years, and then it was over just like that. In my place, the new girl from Myanmar who’d started last week was already on the cash register scanning bar codes. I looked at the security camera monitor out of the corner of my eye and thought to myself that I would never be shown on it again.

  “Miss Furukura, really, thank you so much for working here!”

  Mrs. Izumi and Sugawara handed me an expensive-looking set of his-and-hers chopsticks, telling me: “It’s also a wedding gift.” And the girls on the evening shift gave me a can of cookies.

  Over the course of eighteen years I’d seen any number of people leaving, and in no time at all the gap they left was filled. The space I had occupied, too, would quickly be replenished, and from tomorrow the convenience store would carry on operating as usual.

  I would never again be touching the tools of the trade I knew so well—the bar code scanner, the machine for placing orders, the mop for polishing the floor, the alcohol for disinfecting hands, the duster I’d always carried stuck through my belt.

  “But still, it’s an auspicious departure!” the manager said.

  “It is!” Mrs. Izumi and Sugawara nodded. “Do come back to see us, won’t you?”

  “Yes, yes—do come back as a customer anytime. Bring Shiraha with you. We’ll treat you to frankfurters.”

  Mrs. Izumi and Sugawara were smiling and wishing me luck.

  I was taking on the form of a person that their brains all imagined as normal. Being congratulated by them felt strange, but I merely said, “Thank you.”

  I said goodbye to the girls on the evening shift and went outside. It was still light out, but the convenience store was lit up more brightly than the sky. It looked like a shining white aquarium.

  I couldn’t imagine what would become of me now I was no longer a store worker. I bowed once to the store and started walking to the metro station.

  * * *

  I got home to find Shiraha waiting impatiently for me.

  Normally I would be concerned about work the next day and would be sure to care for my physical needs with food and sleep. My body had belonged to the convenience store even when I wasn’t at work. Having been liberated from this, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

  Shiraha was in high spirits, checking the online help wanted ads. Résumé forms were scattered all around him on the living room table.

  “A lot of jobs have an age limit, but there are some without if you look for them. I always hated looking at the ads, but since it isn’t me that has to work, it’s actually quite fun for once!”

  I felt depressed. I looked at the clock: 7:00 p.m. My body had always been connected to the convenience store even when I wasn’t working. Now it was time for the store’s stock of carton drinks to be replenished; now the store’s nighttime delivery would be arriving and the night shift would start checking it; now it was time for the store to have its floor mopped. Every time I looked at the clock, I would think about what was happening in the convenience store.

  Now Sawaguchi from the evening shift would start making a POP ad for next week’s new products, while Makimura topped up the cup noodle shelves. But I was now left out of that flow of time I thought.

  There were numerous sounds in the apartment, from Shiraha’s voice to the hum of the refrigerator, but my ears heard only silence. The sounds of the convenience store that had previously filled me to overflowing had now left my body. I was cut off from the world.

  “Naturally, your job in a convenience store isn’t enough to support me. With you working there and me jobless, I’m the one they’ll criticize. Society hasn’t dragged itself out of the Stone Age yet, and they’ll always blame the man. But if you could just get a proper job, Furukura, they won’t victimize me anymore and it’ll be good for you, too, so we’d be killing two birds with one stone.”

  “Um, I haven’t got any appetite today, so can you go get yourself something to eat?”

  “What? Oh, okay then.”

  He grumbled about having to do the shopping himself, but he went quiet after I handed him a thousand-yen note.

  That night I went to bed as usual but couldn’t sleep, so I got up again and, still in my pajamas, went out onto the balcony.

  Until now I had always needed to make sure I got enough sleep before work the next day. All I had to do was recall how I had to keep in shape for the sake of the convenience store and I would fall asleep right away, but now I didn’t even know why I needed to sleep at all.

  I always hung my laundry up to dry inside the apartment, so the balcony was dirty and mold was forming on the windows. I sat down anyway, not caring about my pajamas getting dirty.

  I glanced back through the apartment window and saw the clock inside: 3:00 a.m., about the time the night shift took a break. Dat-kun and Shinozaki, a college student who’d started last week and had work experience from a previous store, would be using the time on their break to restock the walk-in refrigerator.

  It was a long time since I’d been up at this hour.

  I stroked my body. My nails were kept short as per store rules, and I was scrupulous about keeping my hair clean and had never dyed it. There was a faint scar on the back of my hand from when I burned myself while frying c
roquettes three days ago.

  Summer might have been approaching, but it was still a bit chilly out on the balcony. But I didn’t feel like going back inside, so I stayed outside, gazing blankly up at the indigo sky.

  * * *

  I awoke from a fitful sleep tossing and turning in the heat and opened my eyes a crack as I lay there in bed.

  I had no idea what time it was, or even which day of the week. I fumbled around my pillow for my cell phone to check the time: two o’clock. Unable to grasp in my befuddled state whether it was morning or night, I climbed out of the closet. When I saw daylight coming in through the curtains, I finally registered it must be two in the afternoon.

  I checked the date and realized that almost two weeks had passed since I’d stopped working at the convenience store. It felt like a long time ago, but also as though time had stopped.

  Shiraha wasn’t home. Maybe he’d gone out shopping for food. On the folding table, which had been left out, were the remains of the cup noodles we’d eaten yesterday.

  Since I’d left the store, I no longer knew what time I should wake up in the morning. I slept whenever I felt sleepy and ate when I woke up. I didn’t do anything all day except fill out résumé forms, as ordered by Shiraha.

  I no longer knew what standard to live by. Until now, my body had belonged to the convenience store, even when I wasn’t working. Sleeping, keeping in good physical shape, and eating nutritiously were all part of my job. I had to stay healthy for work.

  Shiraha still slept in the bathtub, and during the day he came into the living room for his meals and to go through the help wanted ads. He seemed to be going about life with more energy than when I’d been working. I now spent all day and night in my bed inside the closet, only coming out when I felt hungry and never bothering to put the futon bedding away.

  I realized I was thirsty. Mechanically I turned the faucet to fill a glass with water and drank it down in one go. I suddenly recalled hearing once that the water in a person’s body was replaced every two weeks. It occurred to me that the water I used to buy every morning in the convenience store had already run through my body. The moisture in my skin, in the membrane over my eyeballs was probably no longer formed by the water from the convenience store.